Perceived Status

 2018. The year I turned 42 years old.  Every time I went home to my parents, I poured my dissatisfaction towards my workplace to my beloved Dad.  Of all the family members, I felt that he's the only person who understood me well when it came to workplace politics and peer rivalry.

To him, I mentioned on the unfair treatment I've been receiving since I stepped down from the managerial position in the organization.  I didn't get any chance to be promoted since, but I had so much to contribute.

Not to blame anyone but myself, when I felt very demotivated, exhausted, and isolated when I was in the managerial position, and I made a drastic decision of stepping down.  Of course, my "enemies" were happy from behind the scene.  Only one person advised me not to, but he was already too late.

My mentor in the company told me, "If I were you, I won't step down.  No matter how much you don't like the post, just persevere and complete the term.  Remember what I did when I last held a position here?  I did whatever I wanted.  I was so frustrated that they gave me a position that was not my passion, and I didn't do literally anything under that portfolio, until the term was over."

Little did I understand that the taboo word is "blacklisted".  You will be "blacklisted" if you step down, and it will be very difficult to be nominated for future promotions, no matter how good you are.  That's the hidden advice he was trying to convey.

I was stubborn, because I've had it.  I've had it with all those politics, peers trying to find fault on me, not cooperating with the work they supposed to do for my department, and so on.  I was tired, because those were the years my daughter's school session was inconsistent and the people I relied on to handle her logistics caused further complications that made my daughter missed school and important activities.  I was devastated, I had to let go.

Back to my Dad.  I confided in him about my struggle to be promoted since my last withdrawal from the "table of politics" at that higher level of organization.  I wanted a position that I was obviously qualified but they promoted some other people who were even beneath my knees when it comes to the level of qualifications.  Even my Mentor was so confident that I would get that next promotion, yet it was all politics.

I held on to my disgruntle, and I spent longer holidays in my hometown.  I sought refuge in my confide in Dad.  I turned the table around and spent more time with my daughter too, in which I finally learnt to balance and ride a bicycle at age 42, while overseeing my Dad teaching my 13-year-old how to ride.  A momentary relief was felt as I trusted the wind to guide my balancing act, and my evil laughter was heard from far when I defeated my daughter into being the first between us to successfully ride the bike.  It motivated her to finally able to ride the bike, so it was all good.

(Little did we know that it was the last lesson both of us had from Dad.)

2018.  Dad said, "Maybe you need to change your car.  You need a sedan car instead of MPV.  MPV may make you look as if you're not serious in the management and office politics game.  Perhaps a continental car would boost up the confidence others would perceive on you."

With that, I changed from Nissan MPV to Volkswagen sedan car.  2018, black continental car, a brand rarely seen in the carpark of the office building, and here it was in my parking space.

Yes, my Dad's prediction was right.  I'm not sure now whether it was because of the car, or just pure "luck" (if I believe in luck).  Or perhaps the change in car possession has brought my confidence up a level that maybe my subconscious mind realized, in which my inner self illuminated some kind of vibe or aura that made others realized and perceived I was qualified for a good position.  It was only materialized slowly within a year.

2019. Dad passed away on 1st June at age 79, four months short before his 8th dragon year.  On the same date, I was appointed with a Coordinator position, a position that was common for a start of a series of managerial positions, as how I started 7 years prior.  Not long after his passing, I was called to participate in mobility exchange - and away I went to La Rochelle, France in October. In less than a year, I started being nominated and appointed in positions in the associations, and other governing units.  Life changed then, but still no light upon the position I wanted, a position with a 4-digit income that everyone aimed for once they completed their PhD.

Fast forward to today, it is 2025, 3 months after I quit a full-time job at age 48.  Yes, I got the position I wanted only after I left that organization 4 years ago.  I was promoted to an Associate Professor 7 years after I got my PhD, appointed by 3 different universities since.  I liked the position, I still enjoyed teaching and supervising students, but the pressure of office politics went to another level of stress and deceit.  Hence, I quit the academic world, because it was not worth my time and energy to remain at the same operational level.

Today, I am full heartedly helping small-and-medium enterprises in their call for social impact, a freelance attachment that I gleefully called "charity work".  After a year of helping out, last 2 months I was appointed as Chief Technology Officer at one of the two companies.  Despite the post, I still consider myself as "a small mouse housed in the wall".

Nevertheless, upon knowing my current position, quite a number of people started to acknowledge me and my credibility.  They finally recognize me as a person with status.  The same people who looked sideways on me, doubting my qualification and credibility, now impressed and somewhat swallowed their pride while giving a nice front-end impression when conversing with me.  If I was pushed aside before for being quiet and isolated, now they invite me for speech, talk, workshops, and networking engagements.  Such a contrast of treatment.

Now, I believe what Dad said about perceived status.  Although it may looked illogical to us, it happens among the people, the community, even the family.  No matter how much I hate telling the world about my new position, I had to, to earn respect and recognition owed to me for the past decade.

-Shazz@40s